I swept and cleaned
every inch of my room,
to the hallway,
to the kitchen,
to the living room,
with the prayers
my abuela taught me:
Buenas energías adentro.
Malas energías pa’ fuera.
But it wasn’t enough.
Because it was
the whole house.
So I swept down the stairs
and out,
and continued
to sweep.
But it wasn’t enough.
So I used water
to cleanse the dirt
and planted
new plants,
some to ward away
rodents from the trash,
and I kept saying,
Mala energía pa’ fuera.
And swept.
But it still didn’t seem
To do the work.
The paint needed work.
The house
needed healing.
Then one day,
he took the broom,
and everything got
dirty
again.
It wasn’t that
it was impossible
for me to ask.
For me to get one.
For me to do it.
It’s that it was
that broom
performing that task.
That magic.
It was doing
that healing.
And if it wasn’t,
it wouldn’t work.
(What wouldn’t work?)
The cleaning.
(What cleaning?)
Of the house.
(That’s not what you want to clean.)
The healing of the house—
(No.)
What are you trying to sa—
(What are you not saying?)
(What are you not seeing?)
(What are you not accepting?)
(What are you not grieving?)
(You cannot heal)
(what you cannot accept.)
What am I not naming?
(What happened to you.)
(In this house.)
(You cannot heal)
(if you cannot accept)
(that it happened.)
(You cannot clean it.)
(You cannot wash it away.)
(You cannot make it beautiful.)
(You cannot forget it.)
(You remember.)
I remember.
(And it hurts.)
And it hurts.
(And you’re angry.)
And I’m angry.
(And you feel ashamed.)
And I feel ashamed.
(Don’t.)
(You feel scared?)
Yes.
(Don’t.)
(Someone took something.)
Yes.
(I’m sorry.)
(We will get it back.)
(But not like this.)
Okay.
(Not by cleaning this house.)
(Not by planting flowers.)
(Not by healing this place.)
(This place isn’t you.)
(You need to grieve.)
I need to grieve.
(You need to accept.)
I need to accept.
(You need to heal.)
I need to heal.
(Not the house.)
(Not the people in it.)
(Not the one who harmed you.)
(You.)
(You don’t need the broom.)
I don’t need the broom.
(Breathe.)
Thank you.
